Madeleine Johnson, my colleague at The American, has a brilliant satire on the Italian citizenship quiz. Of course, I challenge anyone to guess whether she made this up or not. That’s what’s brilliant–it just might be true.

— Which of the following is known to cause cancer among Italians?

•a. Drafts;

•b. Indigestion;

•c. Not wearing a woolen undershirt;

•d. Smoking.

— Padre Pio is:

•a. The center of a lucrative cult that aims to defraud and delude the credulous;

•b. The priest who administered the last rites to Elvis Presley;

•c. A saint whose good works and popularity has attracted envy and hostility from the Roman Catholic Church hierarchy;

•d. The patron saint of taxi drivers.