Well apparently the Osama “deather” meme has become a full-blown conspiracy theory in record time. The idea is not so much that Osama bin Laden is still alive but that he was killed years ago (some say as early as 2002) and kept in hiding – on ice, I’ve read – for some obscure purpose.

Has that purpose been revealed? Clearly, Obama is using it to put the “birther” business behind him and get re-elected in 2012. But that would also imply that the Obama administration and the Bush administration are in cahoots, working together in the cultivation of the Greatest Conspiracy Ever. This notion was echoed by noted truther Giulietto Chiesa, who called Obama a “neocon” on Italian television last night.

It’s slightly exhilarating to watch the weeds of conpiracy theory sprout up literally overnight. Before I’d even heard the news that Osama was dead, Twitter was brimming with announcements of the new manifestation of “birtherism”, tagged #deather/s. “Show us the birth certificate” was the new “Show me or draw me a Nazi gas chamber” and is now “Show us the photos/corpse of Osama bin Laden.”

Of course no photos would ever be enough (they could be faked), no cadaver would ever be that of the real Osama, and how could we trust the “experts” even if they told us that his DNA matched? So the White House is – very wisely, in my opinion – brushing the whole business aside by refusing to go there.

Because the truth about conspiracy theorists is that they never stop when evidence is shown to them; they never say, “Alright, we were mistaken. Now that you’ve shown us adequate proof of X we’ve accepted your narrative.” That never happens. Conspiracy theorists are not skeptics, though they love to think of themselves as such. Skepticism is after truth through supporting evidence, while conspiracy theorists are after “truth” despite evidence to the contrary. The more you give them, the stronger the conspiracy becomes. Their minds are already made up.

I don’t usually do this, but…

…I’m going to now, because this is so damn funny I want everyone I know and don’t know – Democrat, Republican, Dino, Rino – to read it. Spot on, as they say in the UK. Via Tom Bissell.

A day in the life of Obama (as envisioned by a typical Republican) by Lewis Grossberger

6:30 AM: Obama awakened by clock radio tuned to NPR’s popular morning drive-time show, Kronsky the Bomb Thrower and His Anarcho-Syndicalist Zoo. “You know what would be fun?” Kronsky quips. “Getting the workers to seize the means of production and execute the blood-sucking capitalist bosses!” “If only,” mutters Obama.

7:30 AM: on way to Oval Office, Obama ducks into private chapel, slipping off shoes and prostrating self while facing Mecca. He chants high-pitched, ululating prayer to Allah in foreign tongue then before leaving, bows before busts of Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Mao, Hitler and Saul Alinsky.

7:40 AM: Rahm Emanuel enters Oval Office, gives Obama secret Illuminati handshake, says, “Good morning, Comrade President. The Iranian ambassador is here to discuss his scheme to undermine America’s security.” Obama says, “Show him right in.”

9:05 AM: Snack of sweetened camel milk served with dates, figs, pita and hummus. Then Iranian ambassador exits White House through secret tunnel so Fox News won’t see him.

9:30 AM: House Speaker Pelosi arrives to plot strategy for government takeover of lucrative garbage-collection industry. Obama gives her large suitcase full of cash for bribing Congressmen.

10 AM: Editors of New York Times, Washington Post, New Yorker arrive to receive weekly instructions.

11 AM: Daily intelligence briefing by CIA and Pentagon officials on activities of America’s enemies. Bored, Obama does crossword puzzle, then dozes off.

Noon: Lunch with leaders of world gay conspiracy, who lobby Obama to appoint a transsexual to Supreme Court.

2 PM: Quiet ceremony in Rose Garden, where elders of Kikuyu tribe give Obama plaque honoring him as first Kenyan to become President of U.S.

3 PM: Latte with key advisers Al Gore, Michael Moore, Rev. Wright, Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow, Al Sharpton, Bill Ayers.

4 PM: Basketball with White House staffers. Obama’s side allowed to win, as usual.

7 PM: Dinner with family, leaders of Acorn.

9 PM: Obama reads a chapter from Das Kapital for Kids to Sasha,Malia.

10 PM: In private quarters, Obama, Michelle are so moved watching PBS documentary on suffering of poor widows and children of al Qaeda suicide bombers,  they decide to make contribution.

11 PM: Bong hits, anal sex, then sleep.

2:25 AM: Succubus enters bedroom, mounts sleeping President and has her way with him while whispering demonic instructions for next day.

Another Obama Meme: The “Roswell Declaration”

There is another Obama meme making the rounds, this time about a supposed “UFO speech” that was supposed to take place on Nov. 17 (alternately 27 – there’s still time!). I keep running into people “in the know,” invariably people who believe that there is a “Roswell secret” to be revealed. Certainly, these are people who also think 2012 will bring great changes (disasters? universal wisdom?) and that the Turin Shroud is not a medieval hoax. Anyway, so far it’s a case of sci-fi fantasy gone conspiracy theory (ain’t it always?). No creditable news source has yet commented on this meme, and I’m acknowledging it only because it’s been thrust at me three times already this month. Get the flavor:

But the most unusual reaction came from a caller who left a message on Mr. Thomas’ voice mail on October 13th. In a deep and mysterious voice, the caller said, “We are not alone. On November 17th (sic), President Obama will acknowledge about the aliens.”

“He put a big pause in-between the two sentences.” Mr. Thomas said. “I don’t know if it is just the way he talks or he was doing it for dramatic effect.”

The caller left no name, phone number, e-mail address, or even bothered to say whether he was affiliated with any UFO-related organization.

I could’ve guessed that last part.

If Obama Is Spock, You Must Be Jewish

I have an idea: let’s start a thread. It began with this article, posted by Bob on his Facebook page. The author proposes an interesting thesis: Barack Obama is America’s first Jewish president.

Obama’s logic-driven pursuit has led many to the Vulcan analogy. When Jewish actor Leonard Nimoy first personified this fictional people, he made a traditional Jewish symbol Vulcan, popularizing the spread-finger gesture of the rabbinic Cohanim.

Which, of course, led to this:

And this:

They’re not just talking about the ears. For those of us who watched the show in the 1960s (or during the countless reruns since), Nimoy’s alter ego was the harbinger of a future in which logic would reign over emotion, and rational thought triumph over blind faith. He was a digital being in an analog world; the Pied Piper who led our generation into the Silicon Age.

This was all pretty obvious from the president’s Rosh Hashanah greeting, though. If you look closely, you can see his horns.